Master's Degree: Conferred!

I am pleased to announce that I received my Master's Degree in Community Counseling last night! 

I don't think I could ever adequately explain what this journey through Graduate School has been like for me. It was never in the plans. It has been THE HARDEST thing I have ever done! Seriously; beating cancer four times was easier than this because there were doctors, nurses, etc. to help me. In Grad School-it was up to me. God has molded me, shaped me, carved me, and grown me in ways I never would have imagined. So many times, I felt like giving up...and it was as if God was saying, "Do you trust Me like you say you do?" How humbling!

The friends I have made during this journey will be lifelong friends for sure. We all went through this together; each of us with our own struggles and doubts. Raw emotions shared, frustrations vented; and even though we were all near a breaking point at one time or another, we lifted each other up. By doing so, we strengthened our own willpower to make it, and we all were able to persevere!

So, I'm closing the book. No more college for me. I want to live my life and enjoy time that I am not constantly thinking about the paper that is due, the test coming up, and the finals I will endure. What lies ahead? I'm not sure, but I believe that God has helped me through this for a reason. It's a NEW book just waiting to be written with new dreams and ambitions. How exciting!

For now, I will rest and clear my mind before I take the state licensure exam in January.

Merry Christmas to me!

Could not have accomplished this without my guys!

This Is Your LIFE

This represents me and how I feel this year.

In some ways, I feel like that little plant bursting through the ground, pushing up to reach my full potential. There are scars on my leaves, from lessons I have learned. They remind me that I have been tested, and succeeded! More importantly, I am standing tall and growing...There have been many difficult times in the last few years; many changes to try to understand and embrace. I have struggled and felt defeat. However, my Savior reminds me that He is my strength, and I can rely on Him to help me through. 

When I thought about this first post of 2013, I wanted to try to convey what transformation has occurred in me the last several months. As I continue to study for my Master's in Community Counseling, I have also started personal counseling. I have  known for over a year that I needed to do it, but I kept putting it off. When I was finally tired of breaking down in class, or being triggered by things I didn't understand, I took that first step to sign up. I have issues, things I thought I had resolved, that need attention. I must say that it has been one of the greatest  parts of my personal growth! It is hard, and at times, I really hate it; but, I also realize that I will be able to empathize with future clients about sharing their 'stuff' with a total stranger! Thankfully, it is the right stranger; someone that is trained to help me and get me past the 'counselor student' answers. 

Part of the process for me, is to write again. I used to journal a lot. Right now, the things I am writing are very personal and private. It is an outlet that I can use anytime I am trying to figure things out; or, to deal with raw emotions and memories. I guess the ultimate healing will be when I can share some of it with the world. 

What I can share with you, my blog world, is how taking control of your own power as a person will lift you up. At 40-something years old, I can finally say that I will not just 'wish' certain things were different. I am making conscious choices to make it happen! That is powerful! So get ready, 2013 is MY year, and I am excited beyond words! Happy New Year!

Never Forget...

God bless America...we will never forget!

New Year's Resolution

CHRISTMAS AT THE GAS STATION

CHRISTMAS AT THE GAS STATION

The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through.

Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see you're busy, I'll just go."

"Not without something hot in your belly." George said.

He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew ... Made it myself. When you're done, there's coffee and it's fresh."

Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said. There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is broken." George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead.

"You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away.

"But Mister, please help ..." The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good."

George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave 'em the truck, their tires were shot too. That 'ol truck has brand new ." George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it. "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought.

George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered the the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on.

"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car anyway.

As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Please help me."

George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease.

"Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. "You hang in there, I'm going to get you an ambulance."

The phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio.

He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area."

George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain."

George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked.

"None for me," said the officer..

"Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts." The officer laughed and winced at the same time.

The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before.

"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer.

"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt."

The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now give me the cash!"

The cop was reaching for his gun. "Put that thing away," George said to the cop, "we got one too many in here now."

He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now put that pea shooter away."

George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job, my rent is due, my car got repossessed last week."

George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can."

He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out."

The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer."

"Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said.

George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer.

"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?"

"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man.

Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran."

George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other.

"That guy work here?" the wounded cop continued.

"Yep," George said, "just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job."

The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?"

Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy ... and you too, George, and thanks for everything."

"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems."

George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go, something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day."

The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you."

"And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories. That's all I need."

George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours."

The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier.

"And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your family."

The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good."

"Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after."

George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you come from? I thought you left?"

"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?"

"Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was gettin' a little chubby."

The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor.

The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself. "That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man."

George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man.

"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again."

The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned."

George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.

"You see, George ... it's My birthday. Merry Christmas."

George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus"
This story is better than any greeting card.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS!

Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to why we celebrate Christmas.

Never Forget

This flag was from Ground Zero and brought to the funeral of

Lt. Todd Krodle

A tribute...

Galveston, TX in July

Fishing boat Sunday morning

Along the Seawall

Taken from the pier

Gentle morning waves

One of my favorites! Sunday morning...

I. Am. Free. !

The last papers have been turned in, the last presentations have been made, the last final has been taken--I am free! My undergraduate work came to a close today, after my last final. This has been such a long journey! I am so thankful that God has allowed this to finally happen for me in my life. On Saturday, I will be recognized as a College Graduate....finally!

When I left high school in 19-- (something, something,) I set out to be a nurse. Chemistry class was not my friend, so I found another major--Occupational Therapy. My college career was off and on several times through these years, due to cancer, marriage, a child, etc. In fact, after having Leukemia and all the chemotherapy I had for that, I gave up on my dream of going back to college. I was convinced that I would never be able to do college work again.

The years passed as I raised my son, volunteered at his school, and tried to keep up with him. When my son was in 3rd grade, I began substitute teaching at his elementary school. Four years of substituting was enough for me. When K. started high school, I started thinking about what I could be doing while he was so busy. I decided to try one class at the community college to see if I could handle it. I started with Spanish as my only class! It all started coming back to me...

I soon realized that I could finish my Associates degree and move on to finishing my Bachelor's. May 2010 I graduated! I was finally able to say that all the years of work I had done in school were completed. No one could take those away from me.

While I prepared to enter college again, I found a program that would apply some of my work toward a Liberal Studies degree. May 2011 finds me ready to graduate with my Bachelor of Science degree...Dreams can come true!

However, I never planned anything beyond getting the degree. What would I do with that? The answer is Graduate School. My major for my Master's degree has changed a few times, but now I am settled into the Master's of Counseling, continuing at the same university. The real significance of this is that I am looking into the future now. For so many years, I have not let myself think past one year at a time. This is due to being so close to death, and knowing that it could all be over at any time. God has healed a part of me that now allows me to look forward and make plans for the future. What a blessing!

So, for now, I will do some observations and volunteer work during the summer, and hit the books hard in the Fall. I will be working toward a career this time, not just trying to finish a degree that had started many, many years earlier.

I am free. I have a real sense of not being stuck in the past anymore. I thank God for His wisdom in my life, because all of it has been for this time. I have been through a lot, and now is my time! I am so grateful for that!

Here is another:

This was shown in church today...very cool!

Reach for the hand to pull someone up--you will not be in a superior position, and they will have a chance to succeed!

Tragedy to Triumph

Summer school is over--Praise the Lord! I have never doubted myself more as a student than I did in the first summer session. It was not pretty for a while, but I made it through. Second session was much better since I took one class instead of two, but it was still a challenge. Now I have two weeks off for VACATION, and then it is back to a fast and furious fall!

Our church and our community experienced a devastating tragedy on the weekend of July 23-24-25th. My friend's family was driving back to Florida after spending some time here visiting. They moved there a couple of years ago, but they tried to get back here at least twice a year, if not more.

Tim, the dad worked for L-3 and took a wonderful job opportunity in FL. Diane, the mom and my friend, grew up here, so it was a difficult move for her. Bethany is their 18 year old daughter that just graduated from high school and is headed to college. Hannah is the 16 year old that went to school with Keegan from Kindergarten to 8th grade. This family is the kindest, most loving Christian family I know. They live their faith everyday, and give of themselves selflessly.

While driving through Louisiana, they were in a violent car crash. Tim was killed instantly at the scene. Hannah was taken by helicopter to Shreveport, where she underwent

several hours of surgery that same night. Diane and Bethany were treated and released from the local hospital several hours after the wreck. A kind nurse drove them from their location to Shreveport to be with Hannah. Her injuries were critical, and sadly, she passed away early Sunday morning.

The news rocked our world! First of all, they had just been here (although I did not get to see them at that time), and now two in their family were gone from us! It was a sad and shocking time for so many who had been touched by this loving family. For many, it was a wake up call. Personally, it made me realize how important it is to be with other believers who understand the pain, but also have hope that we will see them again one day in Heaven.

It reminds me that life may be short and we should rid ourselves of hurtful, negative situations that we can not control. I can not handle the drama of other people's poor choices, actions or words because my body literally feels the stress, which will physically drive me into the ground. This does not mean that I do not reach out to others or try to help when I can; it just means that I must weigh what I can handle, and try to let others work in situations that I can not. God did not bring me through cancer three times in my young life to watch me self destruct. I am here for some reason, and I do my best to figure that blessing out every day.

I hurt so much for the daughter who lost her daddy and sister; and for the mother who lost her partner and youngest daughter. It is beyond comprehension how this has affected their family. What I want you to know is that Diane is a strong woman of God. She has glorified God through this entire tragedy. She knows that Tim and Hannah fulfilled their purpose on earth, and that although she would want them to be here, it was not His plan.

She must have drawn strength from the number of people who showed up for the visitation at our church the night before the double funeral. We literally stood in a continuous line for over two hours just to get to them personally and give our condolences. The church was overflowing for the funeral; our sanctuary that seats 500 was packed, and the over flow in the gym that seats 200-300 was standing room only as well. Tim and Hannah touched so many lives, but so have Diane and Bethany. If you will, please pray for them. Bethany faces her new college journey with a heavy heart, and Diane has many decisions to make....alone. They both love the Lord, and will seek to do His will. Yet, they are human, and they will grieve. Holidays, birthdays, anniversary days, and so many more special moments in life are forever changed.

This is a picture of them taken in the Spring. Tim was a proud father, and Miss Hannah always had a smile on her face. We love them and will miss them terribly. We know they are praising God in Heaven, and what could be better than that?

Another Friend Is Gone...

I have lost three friends in 6 months...all three because of cancer!

My friend Kate passed away last night, after a year long battle with cancer. She endured chemo, surgery & radiation. She seemed to be doing so well, yet the cancer was not gone from her body. The cancer came back with a vengeance. When I visited with her last, she was in a lot of pain and having trouble breathing. Within a week, she was in the hospital, and a few days later, Hospice was called for her comfort. I am so thankful that she is not suffering any longer, but so sad that she is not here with us.

Kate was a wife, mother and grandmother. She had friends, a church, and worked a job she enjoyed. The thing I liked most about her was her laugh. She had this way of suppressing her laugh that was so cute. It was as if she wanted to 'bust out laughing', but was trying to keep it under control. She always made me smile.

As I left her the last time, I gently kissed her head, told her I loved her, and told her to hang on. And hang on she did...longer than the doctors thought. She was a blessing in my life, and I am sure to everyone she met. I will miss Kate, but I know I will see her again. I imagine that she will be in Heaven either suppressing that laugh, or 'busting out' with joy. Either way, I am sure to smile!

2 Corinthians 1:2-4 (New International Version)

The God of All Comfort

²Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Welcome to the year 2010!

I am so excited to see what God has planned for us in this new year. It is time to put 2009's triumphs and trials behind us. It was a good year in many ways, but was also very difficult. I think the most significant times that I will remember about last year are:

1. Starting back to college after 16 years

2. Keegan's growth and maturity--band leadership, passing his dad in height, and learning to drive...'glimpses of maturity' as I call them!

3. The fantastic marching season that our kids had

4. A very real attempt to live with JOY

5. Getting to see my brother and sister-in-law

As I watch Keegan grow and mature, it becomes very clear that I need future plans for myself. He will go off soon enough, to his own life and his own career goals. Since he was born, I have always tried to live just one day at a time. I try very hard not to look to the distant future with him, because I want to enjoy every single milestone we pass, and every single bit of his teenage attitude! (Yes, I question myself about the attitude nearly every day!)

This new year is more than just who I am as a wife, mother and student; it is about being a better person. I want to be more Christ-like in my actions and attitudes. I want to extend myself to others more. I want to be more organized in my home and all the activities I choose to participate. This is the year I will strive each day to enjoy where I am in my life, and work to achieve happiness despite the circumstances.

Think about your chance this year. What will you do to improve yourself and your life? Will you allow yourself to enjoy life without getting bogged down in the everyday 'nitty-gritty' of living? It is a fresh start for all of us--lets make it the best year yet!

Psalm 31:14-15 (New King James Version)

¹⁴ But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
¹⁵ My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me

A Sign Of The Times

While traveling around town the last few nights, something seemed very different. What is it? Is there something missing some where? The answer is, Yes.

This is the Christmas season, the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year. It is a time of celebration to honor the birth of Jesus, God's only Son. Parties, parades, and special music fill our calendars. Christmas trees, twinkling lights, and .......that's it! Where are all the twinkling lights and yard decorations? Where are the inflatables that were so popular the last few years? Missing. They are packed away in garages and attics, just waiting to make their annual appearance.

2009 has been a year of change happening in our family and around our town. The sagging economy has burdened many in our community. Job loss and cut backs, plus the drop in the stock market have taken their toll on this small town. It is safe to say that the majority of us have had to cut back in many areas of our lives. Less frills and extras; and more savvy shopping and spending have transformed us. Indulgence in things we once enjoyed have been pared down, or eliminated all together.

What concerns me is that people that do not have the means to lavish gifts on their friends and loved ones this year will become downhearted and forget the true meaning of Christmas. (It occurs to me that the previous statement is true as well, especially when people do have the means to lavish gifts on friends and loved ones.) The spirit of giving goes well beyond monetary gifts and frills--giving from the heart, is the best way to honor God's precious gift of His Son. A selfless act to benefit someone else reflects a loving and generous spirit. According to the dictionary, a gift is: something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

What kind of gifts do you give? Are they the latest and greatest gadgets money can buy? Or do you give the gift of time to spend with someone? Something flashy to show off to others, or a special deed to help someone out? What is your favorite or most memorable gift that was not monetary in nature, and blessed you enough to remember now? Could you bestow the same kind of gifts on someone else?

God gave us the ultimate gift; His only Son, Jesus. Jesus was born from a mother chosen by God, just as we were born from our mothers. He gave His only Son so that we can have eternal life with Him in Heaven. What better way to thank Him, than to give the gifts that mean the most--the gifts that come from our hearts.

When I started this post, I asked what was missing. The outward signs of celebration--twinkling lights and yard ornaments--seem to be vacant this year. The question is, are hearts vacant? Do we really understand that no matter what our status in life--whether we have money or do not--God gave us His Son, and we need to celebrate that special gift!

My prayer for you is that even if the outward appearance of celebration is missing this year, that your heart celebrates God's love in a big way. The kind of way that makes sweet memories, void of monetary indulgence.

Be ready

So much sorrow in one day...I woke up to find out that the Mercy Me bus (the Christian musicians that are from our hometown) was in an accident early this morning in Indiana. Witnesses say that a car turned in front of them, while they were going through a green light. Two passengers in the car were killed on the scene. The driver was a young woman 35 weeks pregnant. She was taken to the hospital, but the baby did not make it. My heart aches for her. Not only did she make a mistake that took the lives of her two passengers, but also took her unborn child. Praise God that none of the band members were hurt physically, but they have very heavy hearts! Please pray for all involved, especially the family members of those killed, and that young 18 year old woman.

After processing that accident, I read that there was an airplane & helicopter crash over the Hudson River. It is all over the news. Many, many people witnessed it; and someone took pictures of the crash. Once again, more deaths, and many who are very shaken by what they witnessed. Please lift them in prayer as well.

As a Christian, I am comforted knowing that the Lord has a purpose for everything, and can use such tragedy for His glory. It may not seem 'fair' in the human sense, but fairness is not a guarantee to us. It is not fair that babies are not born; it is not fair for children to lose their parents; it is not fair that sons and daughters are killed in action over seas; and it is not fair that one wrong turn ends the lives of so many people. We are left to try to understand, but many times, there is no rational reason. This is where faith comes in to play--believing that God uses these times to reach people deep within their being. We hope and pray that everyone who has been touched by this, everyone that has heard these stories, will turn to the Lord. If they do not know Jesus, that they will seek Him, and ask them into their hearts. Life is fragile...and we need to be ready for the time when our lives end. Would you have been ready early this morning, or this afternoon while going about your life as those people were?

Be ready; don't delay. God loves you in every situation; let Him guide you!

Luke 12:40 (New International Version)

⁴⁰You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

Reality

2009 - 1979 = Thirty years!
Time is a reality.

Ricky had his 30th high school class reunion this past weekend. In my opinion, it was a great turn out! The class had its own website where people could post their profile, and pictures. As an outsider, (Class of 1985, I was one of the babies in the room! hee hee) the website helped me to familiarize myself a bit with some of the classmates. There is a special section for those that have passed away, and that, is the reality I speak of today.

I think for the first time, I am experiencing 'survivor guilt.' Supposedly it is common to feel guilt when you survive something horrible, and others do not. Plane crash survivors, survivors of war and battle, cancer survivors, etc. may wonder why they were spared their life, and others were not. Intellectually, you know that there should be no guilt; spiritually, you know that the Lord has a plan for your life to continue; and realistically, you know that not everyone will survive such horrible circumstances. Even with all of that knowledge, your heart can ache and you can be very sad about it.

One of the classmates passed away from Leukemia in 2003. Her husband came to the reunion. Ricky worked with he and his dad several years ago, and we had a nice chat. It turns out that he lost his sister to Hodgkin's Disease, and his wife to Leukemia. She was planning to go home the day she passed away. When I told him that I had both of those cancers, and breast cancer as well, he said, "I like happy endings!" As he walked away, he turned around and mouthed the words, "Thank you" to me. From that moment on, I have felt a strong sadness for his family.

I started this post on Monday, and it is now Thursday. I have not been able to find the words to describe my feelings. Each day is a little less sad, and each day I reflect on the miracles God has performed in me, and how He has used me through such difficult times. Each day the head knowledge takes over a bit more, and I do realize that I have no reason to feel any guilt. Let me clarify something. I do not generally think about my survivorship on a daily basis. Moving past that has taken a long time, but as with anything, time helps to quiet those thoughts. I now allow myself to dream and set goals for the future. I am still wondering just exactly what my purpose is for being here, but each day, I try to be who God made me to be, and do what is pleasing to Him.

That is my reality.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”- Matthew 5:14,16

I'm choosing joy!

I titled my last post, "Life changes...", due to the experiences I was having at the time. This week has been full of changes, disappointments and sorrow for me. It is time to acknowledge them, and let them go.

The week brought the news of two deaths, of people I cared about-- Bobbie and Estella. Both died from cancer. Both had battled it before. Both were women. Both were married. Both had a child/children. Both had family and friends that loved them. Both were friends I tried to encourage during their battles. I don't think either one of them were ever on television. I don't know if they could sing or dance. I am confident that they were not monetarily wealthy.

Through the week, three celebrities died as well---Ed McMahan, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. I 'knew' them only from watching television. All three were popular while I was growing up. All three had been wealthy during their careers. All three had family and friends that loved them.

Of these five people, I only know that one of them was a Christian, and had claimed Jesus as their Savior. That means that I will only see one of them in Heaven for sure; the others, I don't know. I started thinking of all the people that died this week throughout our world. How many of them knew Jesus as Lord? Although the true sorrow I feel is for the two ladies I knew personally, shouldn't my sorrow include those others whose eternity is questionable? I believe so.

My prayer is that God opens my heart and my eyes to see those that need His love. I am also praying that He would give me a boldness to speak about Him, without appearing 'pushy'. My story, my testimony, is an awesome example of how the Lord protects, directs, heals, and loves without condition! Let me be the one to share that, and see a new light in someone's eyes.

Next thing to acknowledge and leave behind...I have done a lot of complaining this week about the weather. It is HOT and HUMID in Texas and along with my own hot flashes, I am pretty miserable. I did not choose to be happy and content that I have a house with air conditioning, and my job is indoors. Instead, I complained. I don't have to like it; it just is. I will really try to think before I complain about it. I will think on positive thoughts. I will not let it make me grouchy and antisocial. JOY is joy, no matter what the weather holds!

I mentioned in the previous post that my friend P. took in a 4 year old little girl to foster. Along with L.M., she had her hands full. It became apparent that she can only foster one child at a time right now, and will be letting M. go to another foster home on Monday. I met 4 year old M. last night when they came to town. She is a beautiful little girl, who is very confused and needs full attention from someone. I pray that her new family will learn to communicate with her and adore her, because she has so much potential. Foster parents have a special gift from God; I am thankful that P. has shared her experience with me!

The week ahead will be busy, as K. starts Band Camp to prepare for the 4th of July parade, I will be working at the library, and who knows what else we will find to do! I am going to CHOOSE to be happy and full of joy!!!!

Thought for the day:

1 Peter 1:8 (New American Standard Bible)

⁸and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,