He loves you more....

May God bless you on this Valentine's Day! 

Never Forget...

God bless America...we will never forget!

Galveston Trip 2012

Never be afraid to sit awhile and think. 

Lorraine Hansberry

"A Raisin in the Sun"

I took this picture of Keegan on the West End of Galveston in July. It was bittersweet because he was about to move away to college. It has been a huge blessing and we are very happy for his opportunity, but it changed our family life forever...

Senior Prom Prep

Just watched my 'little boy' get ready for his Senior Prom! Oh the memories that flooded my mind....I know he is going to have an AWESOME time with his friends tonight! Thank you to the parents helping to make it a fun and safe time for all! :D

All Creatures Big and Small

Update: There is another one! We think the nest is on top of the shop, by the gutter!

While mowing near the shop yesterday, Ricky saw the three dogs with their eyes on the gutter. He found this little squirrel in there alone.

By this morning, we thought we had lost him. He was so lethargic, but once he took some formula, he perked up for a few minutes...then he went to sleep!

We are naming him Lucky, only because he was found on St. Patrick's Day, and as Ricky says, "He is lucky the dogs didn't get a hold of him!"

Just another of the things I love about my husband: he has a soft heart for living creatures! We know we can not keep this squirrel, but he is going to try to keep him alive so he will have a chance when released.

So, thanks for being with us a short while, Lucky!

New Year's Resolution

Galveston, TX in July

Fishing boat Sunday morning

Along the Seawall

Taken from the pier

Gentle morning waves

One of my favorites! Sunday morning...

Note To Self:

I am my worst critic!

I just spent a weekend sick as a dog because I am so hard on myself. I really need to learn to figure out how to manage my stress in new ways, because my body WILL take over if left too long without some release.

My Senior Seminar research project is about using Music Therapy with Children that have Autism. Since April is Autism Awareness Month, here is a little reminder. These kids learn differently, but they can still learn. If you know of someone who is affected by an Autism Spectrum Disorder, see if they receive any kind of Music Therapy!

The quote I like the most is:

“Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.”(Plato)

Only 31 more days until Graduation! Yep, I'm gonna make it...I think!

A Day Like Today

Wow, what a day we have had! My little boy, no--my young man, passed his driving test to get his driver's license; his Band letter jacket arrived; he lead his first Band leadership meeting; and he had a date with his girlfriend! To top it off, he said, "Tomorrow, I will be a Junior!" Where did all the time go?

I have mentioned before that I try very hard not to look too far into the future. God's gift of my son is in the here and now. However, a day like today prompted some emotions of letting go. Preparing him is what we have done the last 16 1/2 years. The times that he begins to use that preparedness make me so proud. The 'glimpses of maturity' reassure us that he is headed in the right direction.

Years Turn In To Years

We visited Ricky's Grandmother (Nanny) at the nursing home yesterday. She looked so pretty--her hair was fixed, her nails were painted, and she even had some make up on her face. It was a good day for her; she remembered us and said things she always used to say. To Keegan, "It doesn't seem like you should be that big!" and "You're a big 'ol boy!"

Of course, she was still 'not all with us' in some ways. She also thought it was her birthday again. She just turned 95 in February, but I am pretty sure if you ask her, she is still 88--the same age she was when J.K. (Pappa) passed away. They had been married for 70, yes, SEVENTY years! Time stopped for her then, and she is still waiting for him to come home...nearly 7 years later.

Ricky and his twin brother, Randy spent a lot of time during their childhood with Nanny & Pappa. It was so obvious as I watched them relating to the residents, that the level of respect toward their elders is a very strong gift instilled in them so long ago.

What a great example they were for Keegan to see. As hard as it was to place Nanny in a nursing home, it was the best decision for everyone. Alzheimer's is a dreadful disease that robs families and individuals of the loved ones they know. Many times, it drags on and years turn in to years. I am thankful that Nanny had a 'good day' when we visited. That is always counted as a blessing!

(For some reason, I forgot to post this! Shattered Dreams was back in February)

The last few weeks have been even more emotional than the previous two! The Shattered Dreams program at the high school was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had. Everyone involved gave a great cooperative effort to make this happen. If even one person is impacted by this, it will all be worth it. My photos are on Face Book, and the links are below. **Be aware that the first & second albums are of the crash scene and the hospital, and the photos may be too graphic for some to see. Although it was NOT real, the wounds look very realistic!**

Day 1: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=147814&id=703024518&l=0e3e055762

Day 2: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=148027&id=703024518&l=2ec513da63


Day 3: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=148683&id=703024518&l=01c2e27b47

Welcome to the year 2010!

I am so excited to see what God has planned for us in this new year. It is time to put 2009's triumphs and trials behind us. It was a good year in many ways, but was also very difficult. I think the most significant times that I will remember about last year are:

1. Starting back to college after 16 years

2. Keegan's growth and maturity--band leadership, passing his dad in height, and learning to drive...'glimpses of maturity' as I call them!

3. The fantastic marching season that our kids had

4. A very real attempt to live with JOY

5. Getting to see my brother and sister-in-law

As I watch Keegan grow and mature, it becomes very clear that I need future plans for myself. He will go off soon enough, to his own life and his own career goals. Since he was born, I have always tried to live just one day at a time. I try very hard not to look to the distant future with him, because I want to enjoy every single milestone we pass, and every single bit of his teenage attitude! (Yes, I question myself about the attitude nearly every day!)

This new year is more than just who I am as a wife, mother and student; it is about being a better person. I want to be more Christ-like in my actions and attitudes. I want to extend myself to others more. I want to be more organized in my home and all the activities I choose to participate. This is the year I will strive each day to enjoy where I am in my life, and work to achieve happiness despite the circumstances.

Think about your chance this year. What will you do to improve yourself and your life? Will you allow yourself to enjoy life without getting bogged down in the everyday 'nitty-gritty' of living? It is a fresh start for all of us--lets make it the best year yet!

Psalm 31:14-15 (New King James Version)

¹⁴ But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
¹⁵ My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me

A Sign Of The Times

While traveling around town the last few nights, something seemed very different. What is it? Is there something missing some where? The answer is, Yes.

This is the Christmas season, the time between Thanksgiving and the New Year. It is a time of celebration to honor the birth of Jesus, God's only Son. Parties, parades, and special music fill our calendars. Christmas trees, twinkling lights, and .......that's it! Where are all the twinkling lights and yard decorations? Where are the inflatables that were so popular the last few years? Missing. They are packed away in garages and attics, just waiting to make their annual appearance.

2009 has been a year of change happening in our family and around our town. The sagging economy has burdened many in our community. Job loss and cut backs, plus the drop in the stock market have taken their toll on this small town. It is safe to say that the majority of us have had to cut back in many areas of our lives. Less frills and extras; and more savvy shopping and spending have transformed us. Indulgence in things we once enjoyed have been pared down, or eliminated all together.

What concerns me is that people that do not have the means to lavish gifts on their friends and loved ones this year will become downhearted and forget the true meaning of Christmas. (It occurs to me that the previous statement is true as well, especially when people do have the means to lavish gifts on friends and loved ones.) The spirit of giving goes well beyond monetary gifts and frills--giving from the heart, is the best way to honor God's precious gift of His Son. A selfless act to benefit someone else reflects a loving and generous spirit. According to the dictionary, a gift is: something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

What kind of gifts do you give? Are they the latest and greatest gadgets money can buy? Or do you give the gift of time to spend with someone? Something flashy to show off to others, or a special deed to help someone out? What is your favorite or most memorable gift that was not monetary in nature, and blessed you enough to remember now? Could you bestow the same kind of gifts on someone else?

God gave us the ultimate gift; His only Son, Jesus. Jesus was born from a mother chosen by God, just as we were born from our mothers. He gave His only Son so that we can have eternal life with Him in Heaven. What better way to thank Him, than to give the gifts that mean the most--the gifts that come from our hearts.

When I started this post, I asked what was missing. The outward signs of celebration--twinkling lights and yard ornaments--seem to be vacant this year. The question is, are hearts vacant? Do we really understand that no matter what our status in life--whether we have money or do not--God gave us His Son, and we need to celebrate that special gift!

My prayer for you is that even if the outward appearance of celebration is missing this year, that your heart celebrates God's love in a big way. The kind of way that makes sweet memories, void of monetary indulgence.

A Season of Thanks

It is the eve of Thanksgiving 2009. There are so many things to be thankful for, and so many things run through my mind. However, here is what came to mind this morning:

I stood outside for an hour waiting for the motorcade procession of a young fallen soldier, killed in Afghanistan. While I stood there, I thought to myself that this was too soon...we just did this a few weeks ago. It has been done so many times in the last several years. When will it end? I am thankful for all those who have voluntarily signed up to defend our country. They serve so that we may be free; we have a blessed life because of them. Their families weigh heavily on my mind each time we do this. Today was especially hard. I wondered how the family and friends of this young soldier will get through tomorrow, and how they will view every other holiday to come. May God bless them, especially his wife and infant daughter.

As you celebrate with your families, please whisper a prayer for all of those who suffer, all who are struggling in this economy, and all who are not with their families this Thanksgiving. Be blessed, and choose JOY!

Thought for today: Psalm 69:30

I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Re-post

I am re-posting this, because my friend P. will be sending LM to his forever home on Friday. I was able to help her inventory & pack his things, and finish his 'life book' this weekend. It is going to be so hard to let him go....please pray for all of them!

When loving someone breaks your heart...

I have a friend that I love very much. We have been friends since we were teenagers; she was my Maid of Honor. She is one of those people that has ventured out and done things that many of us would not try. She has been a nanny, a teacher in Seattle, a certified EMT, and many more things. In the past year, she has become a foster mom to a little boy in need of love. In January 2008, two days after he was born, she picked him up from the hospital, as his mother returned to serve a prison sentence. My friend had no idea what was before her, but she did it with God’s love.

The challenges of being a single mother are many and varied. My friend is a teacher, so she had to find child care right away. God blessed her with a Christian lady who took the little boy into her home. She had to find special doctors that attend to foster children. She had to get all of the products needed for an infant, including a crib, car seat, diapers, wipes, sleepers, and all of the clothing. God blessed her again with many gifts and donations from others. Sleepless nights, baby bottles, dirty diapers--her entire life was changed by this little angel she brought in to her home and her heart.

As the days, weeks, and months passed by, she loved him unconditionally, spoke to him softly, kissed his little head, laughed, cried, and watched as he began passing the milestones that infants go through. She fed him, bathed him, dressed him, and took him to church. She brought him by from time to time to introduce him to friends and family. We all fell in love with him as well. Some challenging health issues arose, and she lovingly tended to him, trying to keep him as healthy as he could be. His sweet little personality began to shine, and the two of them enjoyed as much time together as possible.

While imprisoned, the birth mother decided she wanted to retain custody when she got out. Communication and visitation began with her extended family until she was released. Through the case worker, my friend was updated on all that the mother would need to do if she really did want custody. It was a long list, to be obtained in sequential steps. We began to pray that the mother would either complete everything and stay clean, or make the bad choices before she was given custody of her son.

The year continued and he cut teeth, began to crawl, walk and run! The health challenges continued, but my friend made sure he had proper medical care, therapy, medicine, and plenty of love. By Christmas, she had celebrated every holiday in the year with him, and began to realize that there might only be a few more in the future. At the end of January, she celebrated his one year birthday with him! She could reflect on all of the ups, downs, and craziness of the year they had shared. She loved him with all of her heart, and sadly, she would soon have to give him up.

The over night visitations every weekend have begun. She can no longer be in denial that it will happen. It is breaking her heart! As a mom and her friend, it is breaking my heart too! God has given her such a special gift to love children that need love in a crisis. That love will attach him to her forever, even if they never see each other again. It is up to the birth mom to tell him about his first year, and I wonder what she will tell him? Will she explain that she made a big mistake and had to go away for awhile, so my friend took him in and cared for him? Will she even talk about my friend? My prayer is that somewhere in her heart, she will realize just how special my friend is, and that she has bestowed a priceless gift on both of them. I also pray that the birth mom will share updates with my friend as he grows, so that big hole in her heart does not hurt quite as much.

Some people might ask if the pain is worth it? My friend and I would say, "Absolutely." We can say that because we know that we are to share the love that God has given us for others. In this case, the journey of love matters more than the eventual ending.

Thought for the day: "Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me." Mark 9:37

Be ready

So much sorrow in one day...I woke up to find out that the Mercy Me bus (the Christian musicians that are from our hometown) was in an accident early this morning in Indiana. Witnesses say that a car turned in front of them, while they were going through a green light. Two passengers in the car were killed on the scene. The driver was a young woman 35 weeks pregnant. She was taken to the hospital, but the baby did not make it. My heart aches for her. Not only did she make a mistake that took the lives of her two passengers, but also took her unborn child. Praise God that none of the band members were hurt physically, but they have very heavy hearts! Please pray for all involved, especially the family members of those killed, and that young 18 year old woman.

After processing that accident, I read that there was an airplane & helicopter crash over the Hudson River. It is all over the news. Many, many people witnessed it; and someone took pictures of the crash. Once again, more deaths, and many who are very shaken by what they witnessed. Please lift them in prayer as well.

As a Christian, I am comforted knowing that the Lord has a purpose for everything, and can use such tragedy for His glory. It may not seem 'fair' in the human sense, but fairness is not a guarantee to us. It is not fair that babies are not born; it is not fair for children to lose their parents; it is not fair that sons and daughters are killed in action over seas; and it is not fair that one wrong turn ends the lives of so many people. We are left to try to understand, but many times, there is no rational reason. This is where faith comes in to play--believing that God uses these times to reach people deep within their being. We hope and pray that everyone who has been touched by this, everyone that has heard these stories, will turn to the Lord. If they do not know Jesus, that they will seek Him, and ask them into their hearts. Life is fragile...and we need to be ready for the time when our lives end. Would you have been ready early this morning, or this afternoon while going about your life as those people were?

Be ready; don't delay. God loves you in every situation; let Him guide you!

Luke 12:40 (New International Version)

⁴⁰You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

Reality

2009 - 1979 = Thirty years!
Time is a reality.

Ricky had his 30th high school class reunion this past weekend. In my opinion, it was a great turn out! The class had its own website where people could post their profile, and pictures. As an outsider, (Class of 1985, I was one of the babies in the room! hee hee) the website helped me to familiarize myself a bit with some of the classmates. There is a special section for those that have passed away, and that, is the reality I speak of today.

I think for the first time, I am experiencing 'survivor guilt.' Supposedly it is common to feel guilt when you survive something horrible, and others do not. Plane crash survivors, survivors of war and battle, cancer survivors, etc. may wonder why they were spared their life, and others were not. Intellectually, you know that there should be no guilt; spiritually, you know that the Lord has a plan for your life to continue; and realistically, you know that not everyone will survive such horrible circumstances. Even with all of that knowledge, your heart can ache and you can be very sad about it.

One of the classmates passed away from Leukemia in 2003. Her husband came to the reunion. Ricky worked with he and his dad several years ago, and we had a nice chat. It turns out that he lost his sister to Hodgkin's Disease, and his wife to Leukemia. She was planning to go home the day she passed away. When I told him that I had both of those cancers, and breast cancer as well, he said, "I like happy endings!" As he walked away, he turned around and mouthed the words, "Thank you" to me. From that moment on, I have felt a strong sadness for his family.

I started this post on Monday, and it is now Thursday. I have not been able to find the words to describe my feelings. Each day is a little less sad, and each day I reflect on the miracles God has performed in me, and how He has used me through such difficult times. Each day the head knowledge takes over a bit more, and I do realize that I have no reason to feel any guilt. Let me clarify something. I do not generally think about my survivorship on a daily basis. Moving past that has taken a long time, but as with anything, time helps to quiet those thoughts. I now allow myself to dream and set goals for the future. I am still wondering just exactly what my purpose is for being here, but each day, I try to be who God made me to be, and do what is pleasing to Him.

That is my reality.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”- Matthew 5:14,16

A willing heart...

My friend P. who is a foster mom to L.M., the 17 month old little boy we love so much, is welcoming a four year old little girl into her home tomorrow! She has very little information on her, so there is just a little feeling of apprehension as the day approaches. We are both anxious to see how L.M. will react to another person taking part of his 'spot light' with Momma! hee hee

So please, say prayers for P. and the children she has been given the privilege of caring for in her home!

Graduation, good byes, and great changes

We attended the high school graduation ceremony last night. What fun to see all the 'kids' we have watched grow up, as they walked so proudly across the stage! There is a whole new life ahead of them; I pray that each one of them makes the best of it!

Tomorrow is a sad day for our church. Our interim pastor and friend, Bro. Tim, will serve his last Sunday with us. He has filled in for the last year, as we searched for a new pastor! He will be going through some big changes in his own life, as we will in our church. We will miss him terribly. The way I would describe this man is: Godly, dedicated, educated, friendly, and just a 'regular' guy. That does not take away any authority that he has, it actually shows me that he is real and can relate to all of us. I am thankful to know him, and I am thankful for the internet because we don't have to say 'good bye' forever! We are praying for you and your family, Bro. Tim!

As summer begins, so does change. Change in routine from the daily trips to school, homework, and activities; to a much less regulated schedule and more free time. Summer camps and programs, vacations and fun times await us. For our church, a new pastor and ministry to challenge us. For our family, one more year of growth behind us. Change is a good thing, but you have to embrace it and know that it means just what it is called "change." It has been said that if you do the same things, you get the same results; so if you change, there is a high probability that the results will be different! That is exciting to me! Who doesn't want a more fulfilling life?

My family went through its biggest change after my breast cancer diagnosis and surgery back in the fall of 2007. Amazingly, it took a third cancer diagnosis to really cement in our minds that we must ENJOY life while we have it, and however we have it. Things could always be worse, so we are thankful for what we have, especially in these tough days for our country.

We laugh more and try to experience more in the ordinary facets of our lives. For me, I let my emotions be what they are. I don't hide my tender heart like I used to. I have always been emotional, especially for other people. It is like I feel their pain, and somehow relate to it. Tears are not shameful, they are heart felt and healing. (Just wish I wasn't such an 'ugly' crier! LOL)

Another great change for us is that we dream now. For many years, cancer had prevented me from dreaming and looking ahead. It is not a bad thing to live in the moment, but it is even better to anticipate future moments! This really hit me when I decided to go back to college. I was sitting there thinking that in one year, I could either be in the very same spot; or, I could accomplish a few college classes and be on my way to finishing my degree! Trying was not going to hurt anything; not trying would get me stuck in a place I did not want to be. Once determined to take a college class after 16 years, I started thinking about the next steps. That lead to thinking of trying for a Master's Degree, which lead to career opportunities! How fantastic to get another chance at my 'old' dreams! I can change them, to reflect the 'new' me. I don't have to worry if I fail in some way, because I know to look for other opportunities and prospects.

So you see, in many ways, I am like those graduates that crossed the stage last night. I have hopes and dreams, and look forward to my future. I do not have to compare my life with anyone else, especially those of my peers. Many of my friends have accomplished great things in their lives, but I have nothing to be ashamed of because I know for certain that I am accomplishing what God wants me to do in my own life. The only way for me to get to this point was to endure and embrace great change!

Be blessed, friends!

Beginnings, but the end...

Just after I posted that, I found out that one of the Seniors shot himself last night and died...he was to graduate with the others tomorrow night. This has been such a tragic school year--a 9th grade girl flipped on a 4 wheeler back in October, her funeral was on our Homecoming day; another high schooler shot himself in the face just last month (he is undergoing reconstructive surgeries), and now this young man, who will not walk the stage with his friends tomorrow night. PLEASE pray for all of our community right now. The families, the friends, and those that care about them!