Another Detour

Been a while since I updated the blog...but now I am once again posting on my CaringBridge site. If you want to catch up on the latest, visit me over there for now. Thanks!

Michelle B's CaringBridge Site

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/iluv2sb

This Is Your LIFE

Health Update

Milestone moments:

At the end of December 2012, I completed five full years of the breast cancer medication, Tamoxifen. I am done with it and all of the nasty side affects. DONE!

In early January 2013, I visited my thyroid doctor for my annual check up. It has been two years since I had it removed as a proactive step against cancer. Well, WE BEAT CANCER! My doctor is pleased and has released me from his care, into my general doctor's care for this. 

Praise the LORD--I feel like it is affirmation that I am to continue doing what I have set out to do with my personal life and my career. Healthier days ahead for this girl!

Updated: A Rose is a Rose...On Your Nose...

...its called Rosacea! <--- Click! That li

ttle rash that appeared around the first of December, just little red bumps, began to spread. It went down my neck, up around my ear, then around my mouth and cheeks. Saw the dermatologist on Monday. (I guess my body decided I needed ANOTHER specialist!) She kindly explained what it is, how to care for it, and that it will take a while to clear this up because it is so extensive. Oh, and she told me there is 'occular rosacea,' which can cause scratchy, yucky eyes. Hmmm...and I thought allergies were keeping me from wearing my contacts!

Rosacea is brought on by STRESS, some foods, and other triggers. Guess what was going on around the first of December? FINALS! So, basically, I have brought this on myself. Once it starts, it just keeps going. *sigh*

So here are some pictures. More as I am able to see some improvement along the way. There is no cure, but if I can identify triggers (STRESS!) it will help reduce it.

Different lighting changes the look, ^^Last week, Below-Sunday

OK, just found this photo--mine is not bad at all!!!

Another helpful site about rosacea

SCORE!

Update 1/6/12

There has been a bit of confusion from my post. I had the surgery in July to remove my thyroid as a proactive step to ultimately avoid cancer in that body part. The nodes were discovered when I had a body scan back in 2007, before my Mastectomy. Since then, I have had regular sonograms and biopsies. Unfortunately, from January to June 2011, the number and size of the nodules increased. It became obvious to me what would happen next. (My Oncologist tells me to keep an eye on anything that was radiated back in 1989-- which includes all of my internal organs!)

So, the reason this visit was so exciting is because it is the first sonogram since the surgery, and all was clear! Whoo hoo!

I walked out of my doctor's office today with a smile on my face and a song on my heart: Removing my thyroid gland that was 'pre-malignant' means that

Michelle = 1

Thyroid Cancer = Big fat ZERO!

Added bonus: my carotid arteries are BEAUTIFUL! LOL, that is nice to know. :D

FOUR. POINT. OOOOOHHHH!

So excited to be DONE with the fall semester! And praise the Lord, I achieved the 4.0 GPA that I was hoping for in my first attempt at Graduate level courses!

This was a very difficult semester for me trying to balance everything: home, Keegan's Senior year (last marching contests, last half-times, etc), 10 hours of course work, 20 hours of work, and trying to stay healthy. I was at school for 12-13 hours a day, and that was tough. I learned so much about myself, my work and study habits, and the importance of self-care. Next semester should be much better! That is what I am hoping, anyway.

For now, I will concentrate on cleaning the house, cooking for my family, and just enjoying the time at home!

Never been happier about....

...a fungal infection on my tongue! BA HA HA

Doc said it was 'boring' compared to what it could have been! I'll take boring when it comes to my health ANY DAY!

Special mouth wash and I should be good to go. Praise the LORD!

I Really Hope It Is Nothing, but...

Friends, I have shared my recent 'road block/speed bump' with only a few because it has really kind of thrown me for a loop. But, I ask you now to pray for me in this situation...

Before I had the braces put back on, June I think, I saw a Periodontist to make sure my gums were healthy enough to proceed. They are. However, he noticed a spot on the underside of my tongue. He wanted to watch it, and if it was still there the next time, he wanted to do a biopsy. It was still there, but since they do not file on medical insurance, for some strange reason, I had to pay a very large sum of money up front. I chose not to have it done, but would tell the Orthodontist and my Dentist to look at it. It was a white 'milky' looking thing with red in it too; kind of like an ulcer. I went to WebMD and found pictures that look just like my 'spot'! I know, going to WebMD is not always a good idea, but I needed some facts. :)

I saw the Dentist last week, and she and the Hygeinist both made it very clear (with my cancer history, or not) you should NOT WAIT to have it checked. Oral cancers are fierce, and they move quickly. Thankfully, I was able to get in today to have the biopsy. The Periodontist had some anexiety about it (you know, they act differently when they think something might be serious. My thyroid doctor was the same way.) This procedure (and I have had MANY different kinds of procedures done! :) This was the strangest I have EVER experienced! Nurse was on one side of me, grasping my tongue and pulling it toward her; Doc was on the other, first giving shots. Ouch! Then, I he did the biopsy and put in 4 stitches--Ouch, again. He says that we should have results by the two week point, which is when I go back to see him and get the stitches out.

My question for him, "If this does turn out to be cancerous, what do we do then?" His answer, "I will send you to a really great oral surgeon that I use." The little bit of research that I have done on this points to radiation and/or chemotherapy as treatments. If cancerous, it was caused by the radiation I had 22 years ago to cure me of Hodgkin's Disease (Just like the thyroid that had precancerous cells). I am maxed out on both radiation and chemotherapy. I am not 'going there' to think past the results. Too scarey. :(

So, please pray specifically that if it is God's will, there will be NO CANCER. I do realize that God has used me through my medical trials, to minister to others. But SURELY, that is enough? LOL I know, I totally get it, but darn it, I do not like living my life wondering about what the next 'thing' will be. I really try not to think that way; it is just when something suspicious comes up!

This is especially hard right now, because I am at a point in my life that I am training for a career! I feel that God has placed me where I am now, blessed me with not only Grad school admission, but a GA position to help pay for it! I am feeling selfish right now, because I really want to proceed with my education, NOT battle cancer again.

These are my thoughts, and once again, I wait for results. Glad I will be very busy over the next few weeks to keep my mind off it. However, my tongue pain is a stark reminder of what has been done.

Thank you, sending hugs out to all of you who have supported me so much through all my 'stuff!' God is in control, I just need to remember that my fears are covered. I am open and honest about them, in order for others to see that this is real life. That one can be full of joy & thanksgiving, and full of anxiety at the same time. That is very tiring, so I am working really hard to give it all to Him.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Thyroid Update

NO CANCER in the thyroid! God is good all the time, and I thank Him!

Thyroid Surgery

Ok, everyone! This is the update about my surgery....I had my thyroid removed @Medical City on Thurs, July 21st. Here is why:

Before my mastectomy in 2007, a total body scan revealed some nodes growing on the thyroid. We have been watching them grow in size & number since then. Since I had all of the radiation to my neck for Hodgkin's in 1989, the likelyhood of cancer growing there is very high. I have been on Synthroid for many years, so it hasn't worked like it should anyway. My last biopsy in Jan. 2011 was inconclusive as to whether there were cancer cells present (large amount of blood in the sample) What I did not know until two weeks ago was that there was 'vascualr growth' there too. Cancer needs a blood supply, and if it has it, that is NOT GOOD! Before knowing that, I had already decided it needed to be removed so that I can just go on with my life and not worry about it.

The sonogram done a few weeks ago showed new growth in size AND quantity--in just 6 months time! So, my decision to have it removed was a good thing. Yesterday, during surgery, a quick sample was tested and was begnin--BUT there was evidence of pre-cancerous cells. All of the nodes have been sent off to the pathologist for complete testing to determine if there is indeed any cancer in them. Not exactly sure what we would do if there are, but we will only worry about that IF it happens!

Yesterday was a long day! We got there at 7:00 am, went through all the admitting and pre-op stuff. After they took me back, things went pretty quickly. The last thing I remember was saying good bye to Ricky and leaving the hold area to go to the OR...ZZZZZZZZ :D I woke up in recover and then went to my room, which I shared with another lady that had a different kind of thyroid surgery. We did not even speak last night--it was a long day for both of us! I was awake every hour last night. My room mate had to use the bathroom many times, so she had to walk past my bed; plus, all the nurses that came in to give us meds, take blood, and turn off the IV pump beeping! *sigh*

It was so great getting to spend time in Galveston before I had to do this! Plus, I scheduled it the day after getting my braces on since I would be in pain anyway. Need to eat soft foods right now anyway, so it worked out well! :D

I asked my doctor about the length of recovery time. He says at least 4 weeks before I get much energy, and by 6 weeks I should be much better. I told him that I am 'on vacation' until the end of August, and he said, "Take that time to concentrate on yourself." Wow! Ricky was sitting there at the time, so I think he understands what I need to do.

This was entirely a proacitve move, to hopefully ward off the possibility of having cancer yet again! I have to be vigilant of every area that I had the radiation because the long term effects of it can really damage the body (such as the breast cancer!) Be assured that we are all aware of this, my doctors are on top of things and they listen to me.

So, praise God, things went well! I am on the way to recovery and looking forward to a great future!

Life After Cancer

(Warning: Sensitive information regarding breast cancer, mastectomy, and undergarments are the basis of this entry. It is not graphic, but some may prefer not to read it.)

I just passed my 3rd 'anniversary' of having breast cancer & bilateral mastectomy. For many reasons, I chose not to endure re-constructive surgery.

I do not think of myself as less feminine without them, but I do wear prosthetic forms to look and feel more 'normal'. It is time to replace my prosthetics and find a few new undergarments that work better than what I have.

At first, I wore a post-mastectomy bra with pockets to hold the forms. When I replaced them, I was not about to pay what they were asking for those type of bras, so I bought 'regular' bras and wear a cotton sports bra over it to keep everything in place. The most comfortable tops for me are tank tops, with

a button up shirt/camp shirt over. Let's count how many layers that is: 1,2,3,4! That's right, 4 layers! Needless to say, it is way too hot and humid to wear four layers most of the time around here! At home, I wear tank tops alone to stay cool. I admit that I throw a shirt over it if anyone comes over.

Today, I decided to look for some tank tops/camisoles that have the pocketed bras already in them. I figure it will lessen my layers by two. Here is a picture of one I found:

Looks like a tank top, with a little higher neckline, so the scars don't show. Guess how much they charge for this?....Drum roll please....$120.00! That is the highest I have seen. The others range in the $60-$65 range. I guess they think that half price is better?

These companies should be ashamed of themselves! Not only do we have to endure the cancer, the surgery, the meds, and feeling different; now, they expect us to pay way too much for an undergarment that doesn't even have sleeves.

Now, I realize that I could buy a regular tank top and have pockets sewn into them, but why should I have to do that? Why can't I just buy a tank top with pockets already sewn in, for just a little more than what a 'regular' one would cost? This just makes no sense to me.

Ok, done ranting. I will continue to search for something that will address my needs, but won't cost as much as it does to run my car for over 6 weeks! (Not kidding!)

Another is taken....

God allows it, then He takes them...we may never know why! A 40 year old mother of two is without pain, sorrow, or fear today because she is in Heaven with the angels and her Lord. What happened? She got SKIN CANCER from years of tanning, both in boothes and outside. She spent years fighting it. The cancer spread to her liver and brain. There was nothing more for the doctors to do...

If we could ask her, "Was it worth it to have a golden body?" I am 100% sure she would say, "NO!"

What about you? Do you go to tanning salons? Do you go outside without sunscreen? Do you repeatedly burn when in the sun? Did you have sun burns as a child? You, like most of us, are succeptable to SKIN CANCER!

PLEASE take care of yourself! Go to a dermatologist to have a skin assessment from head to toe. Stay out of the sun. Use sunscreen when you are in the sun. And NEVER EVER go to a tanning booth!!!

There are alternatives; self tanners and spray tans have come a long way in the last few years. You do not have to look 'orange' with these products anymore!

Do it for your family and friends....they want you around for a long, long time!!!

I. Am. Free. !

The last papers have been turned in, the last presentations have been made, the last final has been taken--I am free! My undergraduate work came to a close today, after my last final. This has been such a long journey! I am so thankful that God has allowed this to finally happen for me in my life. On Saturday, I will be recognized as a College Graduate....finally!

When I left high school in 19-- (something, something,) I set out to be a nurse. Chemistry class was not my friend, so I found another major--Occupational Therapy. My college career was off and on several times through these years, due to cancer, marriage, a child, etc. In fact, after having Leukemia and all the chemotherapy I had for that, I gave up on my dream of going back to college. I was convinced that I would never be able to do college work again.

The years passed as I raised my son, volunteered at his school, and tried to keep up with him. When my son was in 3rd grade, I began substitute teaching at his elementary school. Four years of substituting was enough for me. When K. started high school, I started thinking about what I could be doing while he was so busy. I decided to try one class at the community college to see if I could handle it. I started with Spanish as my only class! It all started coming back to me...

I soon realized that I could finish my Associates degree and move on to finishing my Bachelor's. May 2010 I graduated! I was finally able to say that all the years of work I had done in school were completed. No one could take those away from me.

While I prepared to enter college again, I found a program that would apply some of my work toward a Liberal Studies degree. May 2011 finds me ready to graduate with my Bachelor of Science degree...Dreams can come true!

However, I never planned anything beyond getting the degree. What would I do with that? The answer is Graduate School. My major for my Master's degree has changed a few times, but now I am settled into the Master's of Counseling, continuing at the same university. The real significance of this is that I am looking into the future now. For so many years, I have not let myself think past one year at a time. This is due to being so close to death, and knowing that it could all be over at any time. God has healed a part of me that now allows me to look forward and make plans for the future. What a blessing!

So, for now, I will do some observations and volunteer work during the summer, and hit the books hard in the Fall. I will be working toward a career this time, not just trying to finish a degree that had started many, many years earlier.

I am free. I have a real sense of not being stuck in the past anymore. I thank God for His wisdom in my life, because all of it has been for this time. I have been through a lot, and now is my time! I am so grateful for that!

Just Sayin'!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

A month to educate and celebrate the remarkable strides that have been made in breast cancer research, detection and treatment!

Thinking of my friend Kate....and praying for A. Sue, who just found out she too has breast cancer. I am now three years out from my diagnosis--PRAISE THE LORD!

August Rush

After a lovely time in Galveston, the following weeks were a whirlwind of activity! I had braces put on July 20--this is the second time for me. If you have had braces, WEAR YOUR RETAINERS! Unfortunately, mine broke and I did not have the cash to replace them. What my orthodontist said was true, "Teeth

move back to where they came from." Mine moved so much that they were banging together and making them loose. Argh...

I have clear on top and 'regular' on bottom.

The following day, I had surgery to remove my thyroid. It was a preventative measure to get it out before cancer became present. There were nodules growing, and they were getting bigger and larger in quantity, so I decided that now was the time to take care of it. I did not want to feel like I was a walking time bomb, just waiting for 'it' to happen! Lab reports showed that there were some 'precancerous' cells present, but not cancer cells! Hooray!

The scar is not bad at all. The doc said in about 6 months, it will be hardly noticeable! I have done well so far, just still have a lot of fatigue. Of course, 100+ temps do not help in the energy department!

On into August...I had a birthday! Praise the Lord that I am here to celebrate another year!

Sandie went to the vet to finish up her shots. Found out that we have a bad flea problem with all three outdoor dogs! This is the first year that we have had this problem! The vet said that the medicine we used is apparently not working, so she prescribed a different kind. Seems it is working, but we need to treat the yard as well. This is a difficult task, because our dogs run in the back yard, which is just under an acre in size! This hot weather has been hard on them too. We try to make sure they keep hydrated. Plus, we have a kiddie pool for them to cool off, but Sandie is the only one that seems to splash in it--and that is first thing in the morning! LOL She is really growing.

Tragedy to Triumph

Summer school is over--Praise the Lord! I have never doubted myself more as a student than I did in the first summer session. It was not pretty for a while, but I made it through. Second session was much better since I took one class instead of two, but it was still a challenge. Now I have two weeks off for VACATION, and then it is back to a fast and furious fall!

Our church and our community experienced a devastating tragedy on the weekend of July 23-24-25th. My friend's family was driving back to Florida after spending some time here visiting. They moved there a couple of years ago, but they tried to get back here at least twice a year, if not more.

Tim, the dad worked for L-3 and took a wonderful job opportunity in FL. Diane, the mom and my friend, grew up here, so it was a difficult move for her. Bethany is their 18 year old daughter that just graduated from high school and is headed to college. Hannah is the 16 year old that went to school with Keegan from Kindergarten to 8th grade. This family is the kindest, most loving Christian family I know. They live their faith everyday, and give of themselves selflessly.

While driving through Louisiana, they were in a violent car crash. Tim was killed instantly at the scene. Hannah was taken by helicopter to Shreveport, where she underwent

several hours of surgery that same night. Diane and Bethany were treated and released from the local hospital several hours after the wreck. A kind nurse drove them from their location to Shreveport to be with Hannah. Her injuries were critical, and sadly, she passed away early Sunday morning.

The news rocked our world! First of all, they had just been here (although I did not get to see them at that time), and now two in their family were gone from us! It was a sad and shocking time for so many who had been touched by this loving family. For many, it was a wake up call. Personally, it made me realize how important it is to be with other believers who understand the pain, but also have hope that we will see them again one day in Heaven.

It reminds me that life may be short and we should rid ourselves of hurtful, negative situations that we can not control. I can not handle the drama of other people's poor choices, actions or words because my body literally feels the stress, which will physically drive me into the ground. This does not mean that I do not reach out to others or try to help when I can; it just means that I must weigh what I can handle, and try to let others work in situations that I can not. God did not bring me through cancer three times in my young life to watch me self destruct. I am here for some reason, and I do my best to figure that blessing out every day.

I hurt so much for the daughter who lost her daddy and sister; and for the mother who lost her partner and youngest daughter. It is beyond comprehension how this has affected their family. What I want you to know is that Diane is a strong woman of God. She has glorified God through this entire tragedy. She knows that Tim and Hannah fulfilled their purpose on earth, and that although she would want them to be here, it was not His plan.

She must have drawn strength from the number of people who showed up for the visitation at our church the night before the double funeral. We literally stood in a continuous line for over two hours just to get to them personally and give our condolences. The church was overflowing for the funeral; our sanctuary that seats 500 was packed, and the over flow in the gym that seats 200-300 was standing room only as well. Tim and Hannah touched so many lives, but so have Diane and Bethany. If you will, please pray for them. Bethany faces her new college journey with a heavy heart, and Diane has many decisions to make....alone. They both love the Lord, and will seek to do His will. Yet, they are human, and they will grieve. Holidays, birthdays, anniversary days, and so many more special moments in life are forever changed.

This is a picture of them taken in the Spring. Tim was a proud father, and Miss Hannah always had a smile on her face. We love them and will miss them terribly. We know they are praising God in Heaven, and what could be better than that?

Making An Impact

The service for Kate was wonderful! It was the first time I had attended a funeral at an African-American church. There are differences, but what I walked away with was how uplifting and celebratory it was. As we walked to our car after the service, I heard someone say, "There was a lot of love in there!" Indeed there was. I estimate over 500 people in attendance to say good bye to our friend. My friend Kate made an impact on a lot of lives.

This week was a bit unusual here because of the impact of our weather. On Thursday, we had nearly 24 hours of snow, with varying amounts around the area. When I measured in our yard, it was 7 inches; the metroplex area had at least 12 inches in most places! School was canceled for Friday, which was nice. I took a lot of pictures on Friday morning, and I am glad that I did. By mid afternoon, it was already melting. Today there are traces of it, but nothing like yesterday! That is how Texas weather is: snow on the ground one day, and most of it gone the next.

(Click on any photo for a larger view)

Early Friday morning

7 inches in our front yard Friday morning

Back yard

Our silly dogs; Rosie is on top of the old dog house and Nealy is trying to play!

A different kind of impact will happen this week at the high school. It is a three day immersion mock drunk driving accident, with fatalities, a memorial service, and a mock trial. I am one of the photographers, which will be quite an 'up close and personal' experience. I will share more details after the week is over. Just be in prayer for all those that have any part in this drug prevention program. I pray that at least one of the high school students will carry this with them beyond school and remember what can happen when drugs/alcohol are mixed with driving.

Have a blessed week!

Another Friend Is Gone...

I have lost three friends in 6 months...all three because of cancer!

My friend Kate passed away last night, after a year long battle with cancer. She endured chemo, surgery & radiation. She seemed to be doing so well, yet the cancer was not gone from her body. The cancer came back with a vengeance. When I visited with her last, she was in a lot of pain and having trouble breathing. Within a week, she was in the hospital, and a few days later, Hospice was called for her comfort. I am so thankful that she is not suffering any longer, but so sad that she is not here with us.

Kate was a wife, mother and grandmother. She had friends, a church, and worked a job she enjoyed. The thing I liked most about her was her laugh. She had this way of suppressing her laugh that was so cute. It was as if she wanted to 'bust out laughing', but was trying to keep it under control. She always made me smile.

As I left her the last time, I gently kissed her head, told her I loved her, and told her to hang on. And hang on she did...longer than the doctors thought. She was a blessing in my life, and I am sure to everyone she met. I will miss Kate, but I know I will see her again. I imagine that she will be in Heaven either suppressing that laugh, or 'busting out' with joy. Either way, I am sure to smile!

2 Corinthians 1:2-4 (New International Version)

The God of All Comfort

²Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Beginnings, endings...and the times in between

I am sure you have heard the story of 'The Dash'. It is the time between your birth date and your death date, the little dash that is put in between the numbers. It represents all of your life on earth. Everything.

The question of course, is if you can fill your dash and live your life to the fullest? Do those not so exciting, routine days blend with the over the top, outstanding days and milestones that happen in life?

This past month has been a combination of very routine days, with some outstanding, memorable days! The focus was on our high school marching band. They did something that the band has not done in eight years! They achieved a First Division rating and progressed to the Area competition. Area is much harder in competition, but our band still did an awesome job! It was a joy to be with them as they progressed through competitions. Their confidence grew, and they improved through each step.


I was fortunate to be able to accompany them on the buses to and from the destinations. The students are so well behaved! Their work ethic and discipline really did carry over into their time off of the field. I tell everyone that I am so impressed with these teenagers--they make me very proud! Good things are in store for this awesome group of kids...it is going to be such a blessing to watch it unfold!



It was a month of physical challenge for me though. Being 'folded up on a school bus' and sitting on hard bleachers really took its toll on this ragged body! Plus, we attended every Friday night game, and the Pep Rallies for each home game. Friday was the last game of the season. As much as I enjoyed it, I was very happy that it was the end. Our football team had a terrific year with a 6-4 record.

I also saw a podiatrist for the first time. I have a bunion, and a condition where my big toe does not flex when I walk. The Dr. said, "I hate to tell you this on your first visit, but the only thing that will cure this is surgery." My doctor referred me to him because he is NOT a surgery happy type of doctor! I skipped the follow up, and spent my money on some Dr. Scholl's inserts (the ones from the machine that measures how and where you carry pressure in your feet.) I also bought some quality shoes, and that has helped a lot. I will go as long as I can without surgery...I do NOT need any more surgery!

Another milestone in October was when Keegan got his driver's permit. Wow, a teenage driver in our household! He does very well, but bless his heart, he has to fold himself up to drive in my Camry. He fits much better in Ricky's big truck.



He can hardly wait to drive his own pick up truck when he gets his license in the Spring! Not my style, but he loves it!


Ahhh, we even changed from Daylight Savings time in October! An extra hour of sleep--we took all 60 minutes of it!
As the month came to a close, I realized that it had been two years since my breast cancer diagnosis! Already? Time is just flying by so quickly. Wow. Praise the Lord, I am here, and although exhausted, I am living life and enjoying my days! You might say, I am filling in my 'Dash.'